If you’re not feeling very good about your pregnancy weight gain, you aren’t alone. Opening up on dealing with body image and weight gain during pregnancy.
I have a tendency to remove myself from the equation of my blogging and not get super personal (I don’t know – do you want to hear what I did last weekend?!). But, I wanted to get real talking about dealing with pregnancy weight gain because I’m a human, too, which means I’m not perfect and I have to manage insecurities with uncertainty just as much as the next person.
Dealing with Pregnancy Weight Gain
As a little bit of background, I used to have body image issues. Not exactly standing-in-front-of-the-mirror-and-grabbing-my-thighs-repeatedly-for-hours type of body issues, but my sisters are taller and very slender, and I’ve always been built more athletic and curvy. I’ve been a strong athlete, which I’ve loved all the things my body can do, but sure I thought about how my body shape was different. Probably starting at about age 24 I really began to work on my relationship with my body and since then it’s been years since I can remember hanging onto any negative thoughts about my shape. Until pregnancy.
Negative thoughts about #pregnancy #weight gain can get the best of us. Insights on managing a positive body image. Click To TweetPregnancy Bombshell
Yesterday I had a total breakdown. It’s the only real breakdown I’ve had during pregnancy (aside from the miscarriage breakdown(s)/grief earlier this year).
The trigger? I stepped on the scale. And I had gained another 8 pounds in a month. Which might not have been a huge deal except I gained 10 pounds in October, which completely freaked me out (literally, I thought the scale was broken), so I put forth every best healthy effort in November to make sure my weight gain stayed on track. Yesterday was another check-up day… so I woke up, weighed myself, then crawled back in bed and cried.
I Learned That You Have Limited Control Over Pregnancy Weight Gain
You see, when I first got pregnant again after my miscarriage I wrote this blog post on how much weight you should gain during pregnancy, and I had this perfect plan that I would gain the exact recommended amount (on the lower end of course). But, it turns out I’m 24 weeks along and I’ve gained 26 pounds – that only leaves me another 9 pounds total I should gain within the next 15 or 16 weeks just to stay on the upper end of recommended weight gain.
So yesterday I got really, really frustrated. Because in November there was only one week I worked out 5 days instead of 6. Because in November I tried even harder to eat mostly good foods. I mean I even made chocolate chip cookies on Sunday for my family and I only ate half of one – that’s basically criminal! And in November I still gained 8 pounds.
Would It Still Be Worth it if the Scale Never Moved Again?
After my morning meltdown I went to my favorite gym class, and as I was putting my weights away I felt the tears coming on.
This tape in my head started reeling: I’m not as fast as I used to be. It takes longer for my heart rate to come down after speed work. My range of motion is more limited. Exercise is so uncomfortable now. And oh my gosh – since when is back fat spilling over this sports bra? Then the thought… “I am trying so hard and clearly nothing is helping. Maybe there’s not even a point.”
And then it hit me like a brick wall. I have said exactly these words to my clients before, “If the scale never moved again, would everything you’re doing still be worth it?”
Suddenly I snapped back. Of course. Of course it’s still worth it. And in my case, of course I’m not trying to lose weight, I just wanted to stay on track because I don’t want to harm baby by increasing any risks for preeclampsia or gestational diabetes and… let’s be real, I’m not a huge fan of my more curvaceous body right now (which my family pointed out to me twice over Thanksgiving – thank you, I am aware 🙄).
Of course it’s still worth it, because despite how the scale moves during pregnancy I know that I feel good when I do things that are good for my body.
(PS – If you’ve found this article helpful, you might like this blog post on “What I Learned From Gaining (Way) Too Much Weight in Pregnancy” I wrote after I delivered Baby T. I gained a total of 51 lbs during my pregnancy, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.)
How to Manage Negative Feelings During Pregnancy Weight Gain
Here’s what I’m doing now to keep negative thoughts at bay as my body keeps changing and baby girl keeps growing:
- I’m not weighing myself anymore. Instead, on appointment days I asked my husband to take a backwards standing scale weight (I turn around backwards so I can’t see it) and write it in a separate log for me to see after baby comes. He’ll also write it on a folded piece of paper for me to give to my nurse.
- I’ll keep exercising most days of the week and eating mostly good-for-me foods. Despite what happens with the scale, I know that I feel good about myself when I fuel my body right and keep it moving.
- I’m reminding myself often of the miracle. I will never forget the shock and pain of miscarriage after no signs or symptoms of problems, and the surreal feeling signing the paperwork in the surgery center waiting for my D&C. I recognize the massive trials my friends going through IVF or adoption experience. Supporting life is nothing short of a miracle.
- I’m leaning on my support group of close friends and family. I talked to a handful of my close friends and family about their experiences with weight gain during pregnancy. It turns out that first of all, a lot of people gain over the recommended amount and have a healthy baby (weight gain recommendations are made based off a bell curve). Secondly, these feelings are definitely not uncommon during pregnancy.
- Lastly, I talked to my healthcare provider about my concerns and any potential risks to baby. My doctor (who I love!) observes that most women follow a “lazy S” in their weight gain. That is: not very much weight gain first trimester, steep gain during second trimester, and then it tapers off third trimester. He accounts for about a pound per week of gestation, which technically has me two pounds over the projected weight gain (though I’m measuring a few days early), which is negligible.
Lessons Learned
All in all, I’ve learned some valuable lessons. I learned that you actually have fairly limited control over exactly how much and when you gain weight during pregnancy, despite trying to do “everything right.” And I learned that if you’ve had a negative relationship with your body image in the past, those feelings can circle back during pregnancy.
Just like with all negative behaviors and negative self-talk, we have the chance to choose. We can take a step back to gain perspective, recognize what the trigger was for our reaction, and write a new script for ourselves moving forward.
Although this isn’t a “research-based” post, I hope – as always – this is helpful in some way!
Have you dealt with negative self-talk during pregnancy?
How have you kept your cool as your body changes during pregnancy?
Disclosures: None. This post was not created in partnership with any product or brand.
Updated 9/11/2018.
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I’m 33 weeks along right now and have definitely had my moments going, “oh my gosh I’m so big – my once loose bras are now squeezing the life out of me” etc. The reality is we have limited control as you have said. In the past I have struggled with disordered eating but I have worked really hard mentally to overcome that and I think that helped me a ton during pregnancy. I refuse to be defined by a number or confined to totally depriving myself or feeling guilty over slip ups (but I still have slip ups with that -I am human after all.) Self compassion definitely goes a long way. I think maybe since I expected to gain more than they say, it helped me as well to realize that sometimes our bodies are just going to do their thing despite our best efforts, and we just need to focus on the fact that we have and are giving it our best effort the majority of the time, and we really can’t do better than our best. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Omg girl…. the bras are unreal hahaha!!! And they say my chest will STILL get bigger 🙈. I think I’m going to suffocate in my double sports bras every day at the gym haha!! Thank you so much for sharing, Amanda. I love hearing about your journey. I couldn’t agree more, our bodies are going to do their thing and do what they need to do for baby. I love the focus on self-compassion. Thank you, again.
Aww, girl you are going to be just fine! Having a baby is such a blessing, but as RDs, we sometimes focus too much on being the “picture-perfect” image of health! I completely understand! I had 2 babies and made my husband hide the scale because I seriously became obsessed! Enjoy your little blessing and a whole chocolate chip cookie! You are going to be a great mom!
Thank you, Andrea! Hah, it’s so true. You feel like you should know better and guilty for “failing”. But then you feel guilty for having negative thoughts, so you can’t win! We just have to keep on keeping on. Thank you for sharing!!
I really love this post, so heartfelt and I think so many people can relate. I can remember having a huge breakdown with both of my pregnancies because I developed gestational diabetes with both. I remember thinking it couldn’t be true because I was in great shape, ate healthy and was a good weight when I got pregnant. No matter how closely I followed the diabetic meal plan or exercised after every meal, my blood sugars were so high I ended up on daily insulin shots. In the end, it helped me put things into perspective, similar to what you said, by realizing that even injecting myself multiple times a day was worth the end result.
Wow, Brynn this is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with gestational diabetes. It is a relief hearing stories of other women who live healthy habits throughout and before pregnancy but still experience these conditions that we think “must” be in our control, but aren’t at all. You are an inspiration! I love your attitude and perspective. Thank you, Brynn!
Hi Stacey! I love this blog post, and I posted it to my Expect the Best Facebook page so that my followers can see it. Even though I’m a dietitian and the author of a pregnancy nutrition book, I can tell you that I had my freak out moments about weight gain with each of my three pregnancies. It’s only natural to wonder if weight gain outside of the recommendations is OK. Weight gain guidelines are just that, right? Guidelines. Each pregnancy is different, and it sounds like you have a wonderful OB who can assess what’s right for you. Every woman should be so lucky. At any rate, you look perfectly radiant to me, and I hope that all is going well with you now, and will for the rest of your pregnancy!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Liz. I love your words of wisdom! It’s human to have these “Am I doing something wrong?” thoughts, and I think it’s easy to feel like you absolutely must fit in this box, especially with our typical dietitian selves. I so appreciate you sharing your insight!
You’re so welcome, Stacey! I’ve learned there is no “box” to fit in. Everyone experiences pregnancy, and childbirth, differently. We shouldn’t judge ourselves harshly about our experiences, nor imagine that pregnancy, and our plans for infant feeding, will be as picture-perfect as it’s made out to be magazines and on the internet!
So sorry you’ve been feeling so badly about the weight gain, but kudos to you for sharing it! I’m 26.5 weeks now with my first and it’s definitley hard to describe the insecurities of body changes, especially when many people “love being pregnant” and just glow about how happy it makes them! Like you, I’ve been struggling with my workouts – I’m a daily exerciser (heavy lifting, half marathons, circuit training etc) and due to nausea & reflux only make it 3 times a week. This past Saturday I pushed it too far in a circuit workout and realized I need to go easier on myself.
You’re eating well and moving your body almost daily – baby is going to be super healthy, don’t you worry!
Love this post. My daughter is 10, but the pregnancy, weight gain, and feeling like you have no control are just like it was yesterday. So many of us go through this, thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Abbie! ❤️
Congrats on your pregnancy~how exciting! My kiddos are 16 and 14 now, so I’ve forgotten a lot about my pregnancies, but I do remember gaining almost the exact same amount of weight with both. I think you are spot on-we have limited control over our pregnancy weight gain. Enjoy this time~ It sounds like your starting to figure things out. But, then after you have your baby, you will have a whole set of other (wonderful!) things to figure out 🙂 Cheers!
Hahaha!! Yes, there’s a lot of figuring out going on over here and more to come! Is there a time in life where we actually finally have everything figured out? Eh I guess that would be too boring :). Thanks EA!
Good for you for embracing your new body! More honesty on this front is needed. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Mary ❤️
Loved that you shared this! I’m no where near pregnancy, but I can only imagine these feelings!
Thanks Emily! When that time comes around…. you know where to find this post, hah!!
Thank you so much for sharing! I am very early in my second trimester but am already wondering how much weight I am going to gain along with many other things. This is wonderful information and you have such great knowledge and mindset!
Ahh!! I am SO excited for you!! Loving following along on your journey, too! You know where to find me if you need to have some girl chat :).
Just adore you and everything you do! Thank you for being so honest, vulnerable and real. Your story helps bring light to what so many mothers feel.
Keep being amazing!!
Thank you, Adrien! Hope all is well. Miss seeing you! ❤️
Love this! I gained a lot with my first (45#) and thought it was because I was knocked off my feet with morning sickness. I got to 5# under my preptegnancy weight just in time to be pregnant with my second and was determined to “do it right” but I still gained 40#. I’m back to my prepregnancy weight again, but my waist is nothing like it was and it is so frustrating. I blame myself for not exercising enough or eating healthy enough, but this was a good reminder that when it comes to child bearing lots of things are out of your control and the point isn’t to look perfect. It was really good to hear it from someone else. Thanks!
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing! Yes, there’s so much out of our control, try as we might. Those new “differences” will just be reminders of our little slices of heaven :). You are not alone!
Thanks for the real talk. I don’t have any children and have never been pregnant, but I often wonder how I will deal with the weight gain aspect in the future. Wishing you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!! It sounds like you have great tactics for staying mentally strong and positive 🙂
Thank you, Tara!
I totally get this. I am also a dietitian who knew what the weight goals were – but despite continuing to work out and eat pretty well, I ended up putting on over 40 lb throughout the pregnancy. I decided I was doing everything right and that’s what my body wanted and you know what? I ended up NEEDing it after he was born – my son is allergic to life, and while I navigated new ways to eat, I ended up losing significantly more than I gained. I was lucky though, I didn’t have very many people comment on my pregnant self or I might have tried to squash them.
Haha!! Thank you so much for sharing. Yes I have totally come to the same conclusion – I think our bodies do what they need to to support ourselves and support baby. You aren’t the first mom I’ve heard that ended up losing more than she wanted to after baby was born. I’m so glad to hear your experience! Thank you, again.
Thank you so much for this post! I’m 29 weeks pregnant and have the appetite of an 18 year old football player. Im a registered dietitian as well, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to follow recommendations exactly (and gain the lowest amount of weight possible). My baby girl seems to have other plans for me. I have terrible food aversions and my diet hasn’t been the best it could be. I torture myself over the 21 lbs I’ve gained so far and the possibility of going over the recommended weight gain. It made me feel better to know I’m not alone, and that this weight gain is probably less in my control than I realize
Girl, you’re doing awesome. Yes, your body is going to do what it needs to do for baby. Don’t stress!! I had the same concerns, and 6 months post-partum I have a healthy baby and I’m two months out from running a marathon. If you read this blog post I share that I ended up gaining 51 lbs total, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. You’re growing a baby! That’s amazing!